There are some probabilities that are too slight to command believability. I still do not accept that the Ikea desk I recently bought, after much deliberation, was identical to the one I found abandoned one road behind my flat – after a quite random incident caused me to walk down it – on the day it happened.

But for Jayne to have gone wandering for days, lost, because she couldn’t handle the fact her first love (average looking elderly male) had a wife in the rafters – and end up in the house of her cousins, was just too much…


Well, it’s happened. My first work video call with someone vaping. Private and public space have been so pandemicly warped we don’t know what’s normal anymore. Give it another month and the crack pipes will be out, beating the kids won’t be done between meetings and we won’t bat an eyelid when mistresses pop in to collect their misplaced spectacles.

It was a defining moment. The big inhale, the morass of mist, then a face of calm toxicity and not a hint of guilt, shame or fear. Why not? Has work intruded into our private domains, or the reverse? It’s…


Marmite

There comes a point where every slightly funny joke, retold enough, ceases being funny.

The same problem has hit marmite’s incessant need to marmitify everything.

The crisps were fine. No Smith’s Bovril, but passable. Marmite crackers had novelty value and were mostly edible. But then came marmite humus which was when the alarm bells peeled.

As far as I could tell this was brown humus paste made of salt. It was so thirst triggering it caused immediate dribbling. It tasted of the English Channel.

The rubicon was crossed with marmite peanut butter. This just felt like shameless manipulation. It…


International Domestic Matters Vol. XXII №4

There is remarkable consistency, this article shows, to the allocation of “objects” and general use- distribution across the different spatial positions (or hierarchy states, see Chumley 1976) of kitchen “drawers” primarily in the Anglo Saxon domain especially the United Kingdom. It is not random, as Montefiore-Smythe wrongly contends.

This contribution to the debate presents a psycho-social anthropomorphic model explaining the conscious, and otherwise, rationales to both the function/form patterns seen in the data, as well as what is considered “in-the-drawer”, relative to other storage proximities or, even those not stored at all (i.e. lost). …


Hello, the man on the 88 just now
You sat down and I didn’t know you were special
Looking just like the grey haired foodies that commute north
The ones that complain that it took too long to get a table
You were different
You ate a whole tube of Pringles.

You took them out of your bag
A leather satchel
The bulge explained
By the tube’s swift birth into the top deck
It was ready salted
They call them “original”
But you and I know the truth.

You popped
And you didn’t stop
You ate one and then two and three…


One of the following two quotes is by the author of an apparent current Best Seller. The other is by Raymond Chandler. I read both books in the same week. This is a review of the former as I don’t feel I have the skills to review the latter.

“A wedge of sunlight slipped over the edge of the desk and fell noiselessly to the carpet.”

“Whether Patrick cried or not, I can’t tell. He’s all business now, making notes and looking up forgotten stoichiometric symbols in a chemistry text he’s opened on the desk.”

The fact that Amazon, or…


I have been keeping a list of “things I want to write about” which I have of course not done. Looking back at this year’s list I have nothing but a vague notion of what most are. I also appeared to give up in autumn. I thought I would have a go anyway. What follows is a series of brief guesses of this year’s things I never wrote but wanted to.

“Choc ice”

Captured on 13 June, 11.37pm

The timing of this thought implies a post carousing wistfulness of the relative death of the humble choc ice. Growing up in the 80s…


It wasn’t the most welcoming place. There was one sort-of nice thing but it was all old and broke:

Most of it looked like this:


Cuba is a curious place. Decades of repression and human rights abuses, a hate-hate relationship with the biggest economy on Earth just next door and a history of manipulation by the Soviet Union and Russia. Followed by fits and starts of reform, or at least the impression of reform.

The economy has had its ups and downs (see below) and the ups seem to be sustained if weak. The new guy in charge isn’t exactly Milton Friedman but there have been some relaxations in rules. Not enough, though. Trump has come along and, well, been Trump—which hasn’t helped. And it’s…


I stopped at a service station the other day. Don’t get me wrong, I will be writing about it.

But I was struck by the magazine section of W H Smiths. Check this mess out:

The original AND best VW Camper magazine. The best. Mind boggles as to the size of the competition. This is a 150 page glossy about cars with roofs. There is one EVERY MONTH. And needless to say no vehicle needs that many windows. The rear lounge special is special.

trenchantly

Iconoclast.

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